by Eesha Gorti
Trigger Warning: reference to mental disability slurs
“Avi has been diagnosed with ASD- Autism Spectrum Disorder.”
I was in the 5th grade when my six-year-old brother was diagnosed with autism. Little did I know that this one statement would shape who I am today.
Autism is a developmental disorder that affects the ability to communicate and the behaviour of an individual. Autism can be diagnosed at any age, but one starts showing symptoms around the age of two. As explained in the name- autism is a spectrum. The intensity and the symptoms of it are very personal to the individual. Although ASD can be a lifelong disorder, with the right treatment, services and therapy an autistic person’s symptoms and ability to function can be drastically improved.
Avi Gorti is my little brother. Although he’s not so little anymore, he has the innocence of a little angel and the soul of a godsend. The symptoms of Autism that Avi exhibits, which I have picked up by talking to his teachers and to my parents, and doing my research, are specifically not having an extremely long attention span when someone is talking about something he is not interested in, facing difficulty in the back and forth of a conversation, talking for extended periods of time about topics of interest -it’s movies for him- he has an immaculate memory, he can tell you what year a movie came out, and will automatically tell you how old you were when that movie came out, and how old he was as well - having trouble interpreting someone’s words when they are talking in long sentences, stimming, getting upset with slight changes in routine and being ultrasensitive to external sensory factors such as light or sound.
Having explained that, yes, you have to adapt and modify some behaviours to not affect him adversely, and to not trigger discomfort in him. But that does not change the fact that he is my brother. I have the same relationship with him that you have with your sibling. There are some times I get so annoyed with his antics and start fighting with and teasing him for no reason, but I would give up everything I have for him. He is everything I have. He has difficulty with making conversation but he really tries. When he sees me sad, he comes and sits next to me, and not knowing how to ask me what’s wrong, or why I am sad, he will just sit there for a bit before he makes eye contact with me and asks “What’s wrong with you?” in a concerned tone. He really tries. He does not know that those set of words are mostly used in aggression, for he uses them out of concern.
As an already overly emotional person, watching him get bullied and snapped at by kids his age, while growing up, was a terrible feeling. He’d come back home from the park, crying because some kids had cornered him. It would fill me with anger, but I would watch my parents deal with it patiently, and diligently, and I would exude pride and respect. The same kids would mimic his behaviour every time I passed by them. They would flap and flail their hands about and talk to themselves as Avi does while stimming. As angry as it made me, it made me sad, and that’s where I think the journey to becoming a person who stands up for the little guy started. I was not exaggerating when I said Avi made me who I am today.
For the past few decades, society has picked up using slurs that they know they shouldn’t be using. In some cases, which are worse, people use words without knowing what they mean, the weight that they carry, and the history behind them. I grew up watching the people around me, the characters in the movies I watched, even adults, using ‘retarded’ or ‘retard’ as a slur. It’s especially engrained in Bangalore teenage culture, to use ‘autistic’ as a slur. I have been correcting people who use any slurs that they should not be using since I was twelve. I did not adopt the whole social argument for why these words were wrong, but I knew they were insensitive. This includes people who are not a part of the LBTQIA+ community using the word ‘f*ggot’ and ‘tr*nny’, non-black people of colour using the n-word, straight people using ‘gay’ as an insult, and teenagers using ‘retarded’ and ‘autistic’ as slurs.
Now, ask yourselves this- call for introspection- if a twelve-year-old girl could understand why it was wrong, why can’t you?
Source- @theadvocatesworld on Instagram
I have heard all kinds of justifications. “I don’t mean it.” If you don’t mean it then why say it? Is that not being ingenuine to yourself? “It’s a joke.” I am all for dark humour. I understand that all of Generation Z’s meme culture is rooted in bonding over trauma and dark humour. But making fun of other people’s trauma, oppression, mental disabilities, sexuality or skin colour- factors which are not in their control- is not humour. It crosses the line and hurls itself into the territory of insensitivity.
Joining Greenwood High introduced me to a whole new treatment. I was used to some people not liking being around me because I would fearlessly call them out on their behaviour, I would be called uptight and told that I was guilt-tripping them, because of my brother. It was funny how untrue that was. But I was treated with a lot of aggression when I asked people to not use the slurs. I have lost a total of three friendships, and two potential friendships for the same reason- they thought I was too uptight and forceful about correcting people. I understand, no one likes being constantly corrected, I hate it too. But if you, as an educated individual, are doing something you know is politically incorrect, when I call you out on it, when anybody is calling you out on it, they are not trying to educate you but asking you to introspect. I started getting conscious. Many of my friends and I have been dubbed ‘SJWs’ , which honestly, is a compliment that I will gladly take.
During online classes, when my parents are busy, and Avi needs help with something, I ask for permission to help him because he is my first priority. Or if he comes into the room and is joking around because he is having fun, while I’m in class, when my camera is on, and my teachers ask me what is happening, I just apologise.
Usually, I would have said it with pride - “Ma’am, I’m sorry my brother is autistic and sometimes he does things that are not in his control or does not understand.” Do not get me wrong, I still feel pride, I just freeze up at the idea of people judging me for it. I fear the idea of being viewed as someone who brings something up over and over again. Which I have recognised, and am working towards fixing.
When my other friends would stand up for the same cause when I am not around they would hear “No, I only have to be careful around Eesha” or people who think they are doing the right thing because they are keeping up with the slang, but not using it around people who are hurt by their words. That breaks me because that is not the point. I am not asking you to stop using the word because it’s personally affecting me. I’m doing it with the sole purpose of making you realise why your words can contribute to a domino effect that hurt communities of people that are oppressed for reasons that are out of their control.
Avi, for example, knows he’s different. He cannot process the layers of complexities that go into it but realises that he is being treated differently, or when he’s being treated with impatience. He’s like the rest of us. He does not want to cause anyone any inconvenience. He wants the people around him to be happy. He wants to put a smile on their face. And it distresses him when someone gets impatient with him because he’s trying. He’s trying his best to be “normal”, but he can’t control his behaviour. He wants to be neurotypical because that’s what everyone around him is subconsciously forcing him to be. But why are you trying so desperately to make him fit in when he was born to stand out?
When I made this statement in the past, I was presented with a counter-argument that said:
“Why do you even put kids with disabilities in special need classes or therapy?” Imagine you needed glasses to see. But the people around you say “Oh if you can’t see a little, then you might as well just not see at all.” All of these are responses, that we have, unfortunately, gotten used to, but there’s one response that I will never be able to forget - “But calling someone autistic is the only way I can call someone ‘dumb’, ‘useless’ and ‘good for nothing’, all in one word.” I was stunned.
Going to my brother’s therapy centre and his school gave me the privilege of meeting so many different kids. And I have an undying, unconditional, reservoir of love for them. I wish I could talk about all of them individually, but I will give you a general gist of the kids I have met. I have met kids who have trouble talking, but zero trouble articulating. The thoughts and the ideas that these kids have are beyond inspirational. Featured below is some content created by specially-abled children:
Vaani Vaish, is Edha Singh’s cousin, a child with down syndrome, yet what makes her unique is her obsession with cleanliness and love for dancing!
Armaan is Arohi's 21-year-old cousin living in Connecticut and is one of 0.5% people of the total population who is on the greatest level of mental retardation- profound mental retardation. This, however, doesn't stop him. He has learnt how to spell basic words and spends hours on his iPad learning things, trying to explain them himself. He tapes "Aru's letters" to his wall and tries to read them whenever he misses her too much. Here's Armaan wishing Arohi a very happy birthday, and Armaan on his iPad
Avi's pursuit for precision comes handy when it comes to expanding his lego collection. He owns over 30 lego pieces that he builds himself, and adds to our lego hall of fame. I think the patience to do it is his real talent.
Tarun Paul Matthew of the Vydehi School of Excellence is something of a genius. With an incredible ability to articulate and formulate ideas, this non-verbal child on the spectrum talks about how things are on his end. >
Here's an anonymous poem by a little boy with autism that practices Buddhism with his parents, and enjoys writing poems.
Souls-like these that fill your heart with joy, that makes you warm on the inside, and restores your faith in humanity- these are the kinds of the soul that I live for. And I am not ashamed to talk about them, and fight for them over and over again because I have found my cause- and I’m not scared to work for it.
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