By Trisha Reddy
‘If you could change your past, would you do anything differently?’
That one question has always been a motivating force for me throughout my life. The thought of looking back and having regrets absolutely terrifies me so I constantly remind myself to make the most of every moment. However, there was a time when I felt like I had lost sight of this.
Growing up, I was always pretty shy so it was natural for me not to speak up or participate unless I was pushed to do so. A few years ago, I found myself using this an excuse to reject almost every opportunity that came my way. It wasn’t just mere shyness anymore instead it was this overwhelming feeling of self-doubt. It stemmed from the fact that I had equated my capabilities to the approval I would receive for them. So, for every mistake I made, I would think lesser and lesser of myself. As time went by, it only got worse and I started to hide under a shell.
I found myself avoiding trying out for anything new and dropping out of activities thanks to this low self-esteem. It reached a point where I would get nervous for presentations or even answering a question in front of the class. The worst part was that these small things seemed so easy for everyone else yet it felt like there was this barrier blocking me from doing anything.
The turning point for me was when I started to realise the number of experiences I was causing myself to miss out on. The only way for me to overcome this barricade was to change my mind-set. So I knew I had to go out of my way to make sure that things would change. I pushed myself to start vocalising my ideas and taking initiatives, keeping in mind that it was for the exposure and if I won anything, it was just a bonus. I slowly started coming out of that shell I had hidden myself in. I still remember when I gave a speech in front of this large audience and ended up freezing. My hands were shaking as I stammered through the words I had spent all day memorizing. As traumatic as it was at the time, I wouldn’t go back to change that day at all. It was that which gave me the courage of knowing I could get through anything thrown at me.
I began gaining so many skills that I didn’t have before. In fact, I started looking forward to putting myself out in front of others because now it was about self-development rather than seeking approval. Though I’ve come a long way from that scared and worried girl, my confidence remains a work in progress. I still get nervous when trying out something new or pushing my limits but I know that it’s always worth it in the end.
I’m at a place now where I try to do as much as I can regardless of how scary it may seem and that ‘s something I’m quite proud of. As my journey in this school comes to an end, I can confidently say that I’ve made so many memories, learnt lessons and had experiences that I’ll forever be grateful for. So if you’re still here reading this, the answer to my question in the beginning is,
‘No, I wouldn’t change a thing.’
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